Mommy Needs to Recharge

Date: November 12, 2014

Mood: Relaxed

Weather: Chilly and Wet

Listening to: Beyond the Veil by Lindsey Stirling

Reading: Curtsies & Conspiracies by Gail Carriger

With exams over, the rest of the week all of our students are out of classes. They aren't technically out of school, but instead of classes they have some kind of sports meet to attend each day. I think this means that it is kind of like a carnival with sports competitions and such for the students to participate in. We, however, were not required to be present, so opted for a mid-week journey to Hong Kong to visit hubby's dad and his family for a bit.

It's been over a month since our schedules meshed, so it has been nice to come in and get to visit. Hubby's dad, step-mom, and two [half] sisters live here in HK and whenever we are in for an overnight trip we stay with them. This is even where we have our mail delivered. Briefly put, it's our home away from home when we aren't at our own flat at the school. The sisters-in-law are pretty much the same ages as our monkeygirls, so despite being their aunties they get on together more like cousins or even friends. (These are the only kids our girls really spend any time with that are their ages. Their aunts in China are teenagers [14 and 16], so they don't really have a lot of the same interests. There are kids on campus that are probably close in age to the monkeygirls, but we don't really socialize much there. If the kids do see other kids they may greet each other, but that's about it other than a couple of isolated times over the Summer. It'd be a great way for the kids there to learn English and for mine to work on their Mandarin, but so far it hasn't happened that way. We mostly stay indoors or go out as a family to play together. My monkeys want friends, yet haven't quite welcomed the idea of having to work quite so hard for them. Anyhow, I digress....) And my two literally count the days between visits because they have so much fun together. That's what makes it all the more difficult when we go weeks in between visits like we have this time around.

Anywho, we took an early bus to the border this morning, and here we are. When we came in this morning I couldn't have been more stressed. Hormones were raging, I blame Eve, and everyone in my immediate family seemed to be annoying the absolute bloody crap out of me. But then we arrived and the kids spent the afternoon/evening playing, hubby caught up with fil, and mil (#2) and I talked over lattes. Then I introduced her to Pinterest, because why not?! lol It may not seem like a lot, but I can't begin to express how refreshing it was just to have some quality face to face adult conversation that wasn't with hubby. Mil (#1) and I don't really talk that much about anything of consequence, so aside from Skyping my mommy once a week, I don't really get many face to face girl chats. And let's face it, no pun intended, a Skype video call doesn't quite qualify as a true face to face conversation.

I miss having coffee and girl talk with my bff, Brenda, and my Wook, Marci, back in the States. I miss my margarita and movie nights with my amazing friend Janine. I miss having tea and cookies with my mum while we work a puzzle and talk. Simply put, I miss having an outlet for a little bit of me time that doesn't constitute merely being in the next room over from my monkeys while I watch a movie or read a book and they do their own thing. That's nice too, but being able to step completely out for even just a few minutes to disassociate yourself from all the roles of mommyhood for just a bit and be just YOU is something I think is imperative for every mom. It's not that I don't love my girls to freaking pieces and then some, because I do, but I believe it's important for me to be able to recharge too if I'm going to be the best me I can be for them, for hubby, and for myself too.

Since we moved back here in February I have really struggled with finding this important time for me. Hubby goes out usually once a week for a couple of hours or more to shoot video for his vlog, to shop, and to just get out and away to relax. I don't. It's not that I can't, because I technically can, but I don't because I don't know where to go or what to do. It isn't fun to me to go aimlessly and see where I end up all by myself. Sure in China I could go to the store on my own. Oooh boy, can I please?! And here in Hong Kong I can go out pretty much anywhere I'd like in all of Hong Kong. I can go to the mall, go grab a coffee, go to the cinema, etc. It's just that without a friend to do so with, not one of those things sounds enticing. So I never go. Or if I do it's with hubby on occasion, but never with a girlfriend where I can just go have girl talk and hang out. It kind of sucks.

Some days it feels like I'm ready to burst at the seams with pressure because I so need that outlet that I regularly go without. I feel like when I get this overwhelmed I become a different person, far more stressed and agitated. I don't feel like I'm a good mom or a good wife during these times because I'm no fun to be around. I'll bite your head off over nothing because my stress levels are through the roof and I just can't take it anymore. I should clarify, it's not as though I'm going to go postal or anything, but I'm definitely not doing myself or anyone else any favors by being this irritable. Having said this, I feel like a new person after coming into HK today and getting to just relax and talk with mil (#2). It was so utterly refreshing. I've known since almost immediately upon arriving here in February how blessed I was to have this woman in my life and how much I enjoy her company. I guess I just didn't realize how much I depend on it. Cause how I feel today after having just spent the afternoon and evening together, well I feel like a new person. It's amazing how much tension can build up in you over 6 weeks. I think we need to make sure our schedules are better coordinated from here on out. I'm not sure I can afford to go such a long time between visits again. Haha

[On a complete side note, I should say that I love both my mother-in-laws very much and have been blessed to have them both in my life. I may not always have the same type of relationship with one as I do the other, but I believe I have good albeit different relationships with each. And for this I am grateful.]